Cultivating Love Read online

  To hell with it. There were no witnesses, so he gave in and let go. Wet trails streamed down his face. How or when had it come to this? He bit his lip, salty with tears, and snuffled. What were they getting themselves into? This was way past the level where either of them could just walk away at the drop of a hat if they had a big argument. But that was good, wasn’t it? Joe had agreed they were partners and had been over-the-moon happy looking over the farm. If nothing else, he had Joe hooked with the farm.

  His head ached, and he didn’t want to think about it anymore. He scrubbed his face with his palms and padded back to his lonely bed.

  * * * *

  All was quiet and peaceful on the farm when Joe pulled to a stop behind the house. He wanted to think about anything but Ed and the look on his face when he’d left home. He stared blankly at a fly walking across the headliner, then shooed it away and rubbed his forearm across his eyes. Worse yet, he didn’t want to confront his own feelings as he’d pulled out of the driveway and fully grasped the knowledge that it would be days before he’d see Ed again.

  He missed Ed acutely. Hell, he’d rather bottom for Ed every day for a week than live apart for a week. Joe smiled reflexively. That was a thought he’d take to the grave with him. That and the fact he’d actually had to fight back tears as each minute had taken him farther away from Ed.

  He tossed his bags in the house, grabbed a sandwich and some Gatorade, and headed to the barn. He needed to take care of the horses and let them out to exercise in the pen.

  The dogs greeted him as he approached. Squatting, he scratched behind their ears. “What are your names, huh?” He flipped through the tags hanging from their collars. “Oscar and Harvey, eh? Good to meet you, boys”

  He put out some food and fresh water for them before turning to the horses. He let them loose in the pen, filled their water trough, and gave them their morning ration of hay and oats. In the machine shed, he hooked up the swather behind the large tractor and headed to the alfalfa field.

  * * * *

  Ed taped the box shut, rocked back on his heels, and looked at the stack with satisfaction. The cell phone in his pocket vibrated moments before it started to ring. He smiled when he saw it was Joe. The activity of the day had helped his mood tremendously. He still missed Joe, but damn, it was embarrassing to think about how he’d cried that morning after Joe left. He chalked it up to three-a.m. exhaustion and thanked goodness Joe hadn’t forgotten anything and returned unexpectedly to bust him sniveling like a baby.

  “Hey, Joe.”

  “Hey, yourself.” Joe sounded cheerful.

  Ed laughed. “Everything’s moving along great here. Any issues in Mayfield?” He glanced at his watch. Six o’clock already.

  “No issues. I pretty much got what I wanted done today. Got about half the hay cut.”

  “Oh, yeah? Great. Will you be ready for me the day after tomorrow?”

  “Are you kidding? That’ll be a good day for you to arrive. I’ll finish the hay-cutting tomorrow, and today’s cutting will need to dry another day so I’ll have time to get the house ready for you that morning.”

  “Great.”

  Joe didn’t say anything for a moment. Ed looked at the phone to make sure they hadn’t been disconnected. It appeared to be in order. The sound of what might have been a faint sniff filtered through, followed by a throat-clearing. “I miss you.”

  Ed dropped into a chair with a smile. He’d been biting back the words himself and was surprised to hear Joe actually say them. “I miss you, too,” he murmured. “Staying busy helps.”

  Joe snorted. “Yeah, no problem with that here.”

  Ed chuckled again. “I know. I’ll be there to help soon.”

  “I’m looking forward to, ah, training you.” There was amusement in Joe’s voice. Silence followed, Joe coughed before continuing. “Well, I’ll call you again tomorrow night.”

  “Okay.” He didn’t want to say good-bye and hang up, but there was no good reason to drag out the call. It helped, knowing Joe was reluctant to end the call, too. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Ed waited for Joe to disconnect first, but it didn’t happen. He picked at a loose thread hanging off his T-shirt. They were holding the line like a couple of fools, listening to each other breathe. Ed gave a nervous little titter. “So when did we turn into a couple of sap-asses?”

  Joe snickered, too. “I’ve been trying to figure that out. I need someone to smack me upside the head and tell me to just get over it.”

  “I can take care of the smack upside your head for you, but somehow, I’m not sure I want you to get over it. I kinda like knowing that side of you exists, even if it is buried most of the time.”

  “Yeah, well don’t pass that intel around, okay? I wouldn’t want to have to hurt you.”

  Ed smiled. That sounded more like Joe. “Ditto.”

  “By the way, it’s my turn again when you get here.”

  Ed barked a short laugh. “By that time I’ll almost be willing to paint a target on my ass for you.”

  “Only almost?”

  “Don’t hold your breath.”

  Joe chuckled. “Goodnight, Ed. Thanks for the image.”

  “Goodnight, Joe. I aim to please.” This time, he quickly disconnected the call.

  He shook his head. What was with him? His strong need for Joe was absurd. It wasn’t as if they’d never gone a few days without sex. He snorted and put it down to a combination of not seeing each other for days and the emotional turmoil of having his entire life turned upside down.

  Chapter 4: Preparation

  Joe brought the horse vitamin and mineral supplement and the new dandy brush to the counter. The salesman looked curiously at him and smiled. “Will this be all, sir?”

  Joe returned the man’s smile. “Actually, no, I’d also like two of the fifty pound bags of oats, please.”

  “Sure thing.” The guy caught the eye of a nearby stockman who’d heard Joe’s order.

  The stockman nodded. “Which is your vehicle, sir?”

  “The red F-Three-Fifty.”

  He went to load the oats while the salesman rang up the order. Joe paid up and carried his purchases to the truck.

  The stockman tossed the second bag onto the bed of the pickup. “Looks like Fred Jamison’s truck.”

  “It belongs to Ed Jamison now.”

  “Yeah, heard about that. You work for him?”

  Joe was so not in the mood for a game of twenty questions. His jaw tightened, and he glanced at his watch. It was almost seven. He was worn out and just wanted to get home so he could put this stuff in the barn and call Ed before collapsing for the night. “You could say that.”

  “I was asking if you’d say that.”

  What the hell was up with this guy? He was practically sneering. Joe added his purchases to the back of the truck and closed the tailgate.

  The man apparently figured out he wouldn’t get either a rise or any more information out of Joe, so he walked toward the store entrance as Joe climbed in and started the truck.

  Were rumors already flying around town about he and Ed? Why would anyone immediately jump to the conclusion they were a gay couple? He knew it would eventually become common knowledge, but hadn’t expected it so soon.

  Back at the farm, Joe put his purchases in the barn, then went into the empty house. Thinking about Ed arriving tomorrow improved his mood. Hell, it was a wonder he hadn’t hurt himself with the farm equipment today, being so preoccupied thinking about Ed. Thinking about kissing Ed, fucking Ed. Hell, thinking about being fucked by Ed, of all things. He missed Ed so badly he had to force himself to eat, because he had no appetite. He pulled the cell phone out of his pocket and dialed.

  Ed picked up on the second ring. “Joe!” His voice was cheerful.

  Joe spontaneously smile and bounced lightly on his toes. It was so nice to hear Ed’s voice. “Hey. Sounds like you’re in a good mood. I take it the packing went well?”

&nbs
p; “It’s just boxes everywhere here. The only furniture left is the living room stuff that Bruce and Ellen are taking tomorrow and the appliances, which I’m taking.”

  “Are you sleeping on the couch tonight?”

  “It’s too short, but better than the floor, I suppose.”

  “Damn.”

  “That’s all right. How’re things on the farm?”

  “Fine. Spent some of the day in the field cutting the rest of the alfalfa, then spent time in the vegetable garden, and took care of the supplemental corn-feeding for the cattle, and the horse-grooming. Picked up a few things for the horses at that feed store off the highway.”

  “You sound worn out tonight.”

  “I’m okay. Kinda bushed, but just enough to know I’ll get a good night’s sleep.”

  “I’m glad one of us will.”

  Joe smiled at the sound of Ed’s laughter. “Oh, hey, I haven’t taken any of your dad’s personal stuff out of the dressers and closets and bathroom, thinking you might want to go through it yourself. But with our stuff arriving tomorrow, I’d kinda like to empty those. There’s a stack of broken-down boxes in the basement I can put stuff in, if you don’t mind. You can still go through it later.”

  “I don’t mind. Do you have the time?”

  “After I take care of the horses in the morning, I’ll work getting the house ready for you. The hay needs to dry anyway.”

  “Thanks. I feel guilty about you having to do all that yourself.”

  “Oh, hell, I think abandoning you to take care of all the moving arrangements, not to mention packing every last thing we own, more than makes up for the work I’m doing here.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. We’re both working our asses off. It’s just that it’s separately.”

  “Won’t be tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Well, I’ll see you then. I’ll call you when I pull out, then again when I’m about a half hour away.”

  “’Kay. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.” Ed quickly disconnected the line. No surprise after last night, when they’d both made asses of themselves lingering on the phone like lovesick loons.

  Joe shook his head. Did Ed really like knowing that he was a secret sap-ass masquerading as an impervious tough guy? Did he like the fact that Ed knew him that well? He did rather like seeing the evidence of the depth of Ed’s feelings for him. In fact, it was a monumental relief.

  Even alone he was uncomfortable thinking about such syrupy emotions. He shook it off, fixed a couple sandwiches, and poured himself a glass of milk. After a quick shower, he put together some of the boxes in the basement and got started emptying the dresser drawers.

  He neatly stacked jeans, shorts, T-shirts, and pajamas in a box. Was there a thrift store in town where they could donate the stuff? He’d ask that Ruby woman from the grocery store next time he was there. She was a chatty one who clearly had a finger on the pulse of the little town. She’d know.

  When he scooped out socks from a drawer, he found a book, a photo album with a cruise line’s logo on the cover. Maybe from Ed’s parents’ short marriage? Ed would love that.

  As he turned the pages, he immediately understood why some of the townspeople had jumped to the conclusion that he and Ed were a gay couple. The album was full of photos taken on what appeared to be a gay cruise, featuring a man who looked like an older version of Ed with another guy who looked like a younger version of the hostile man who’d taken care of the livestock before their arrival.

  Joe laid the album on the dresser top and rubbed the back of his neck. This was definitely not something he could tell Ed over the phone, and he’d done enough work for one night.

  He plopped onto the corner of the bed. He missed Ed more deeply than he wanted to admit. He lay on the mattress and yawned, then forced himself to make his way to the bathroom to wash up. The sooner he went to bed, the sooner—at least in his mind—it would be morning and he’d see Ed again.

  Chapter 5: Visitors

  Ed’s left leg bounced with excitement as he turned off the highway onto the country road leading to the farm. He glanced at his watch. Three-fifteen wasn’t too bad. About what he’d expected. As he pulled onto their gravel drive, the fluttering in his stomach intensified, and his fingers alternately stretched and tightened around the steering wheel.

  He parked the truck and trailer alongside the house and turned off the ignition. The screen door slammed shut and there stood Joe, a huge smile splitting his face as he trotted down the front porch steps to greet him. Ed was out of the truck in a flash, and they were in each other’s arms kissing like there was no tomorrow even before they’d had a chance to say “hello.”

  Sensations he’d never thought much about overwhelmed him. Like the warm scent that belonged uniquely to Joe. Joe’s taste and the feel of his tongue searching Ed’s mouth. The feel of those strong, muscular arms holding him tightly against that hard body.

  He’d taken it all for granted, and now it combined to swiftly overpower him. His cock felt like a steel rod pressed against Joe. He might have been embarrassed by his intense reaction if it wasn’t so obvious he was having that same effect on Joe. He was dying to nail Joe or—thank goodness, Joe wasn’t a mind reader because right now he wanted nothing more than to have Joe manhandle him over the hood of the truck and fuck the hell out of him.

  Ed had never blown his nuts in his pants just kissing a guy before, and he didn’t want to start now. He pushed away, gasping. “Jesus, Joe. Let’s go inside.”

  Joe brows knit in confusion for a moment, as if Ed had rejected him, but then the meaning of the words sank in. He grinned and grabbed Ed’s hand—grabbed Ed’s hand—and literally dragged him up the steps and through the house to their bedroom. Through the sexual fog surrounding his brain, it occurred to Ed that in two and a half years, they had never once simply held hands.

  They quickly kicked off their shoes and peeled off their T-shirts. Joe’s mouth was back on his, but their hands stripped the remainder of their clothing.

  He knew it was Joe’s turn, so he climbed onto the bed, followed quickly by his lover. Joe’s hands firmly massaged his hips, then suddenly tightened into a forceful grip accompanied by a loud curse.

  Ed turned around anxiously. His cock ached acutely, and he was close to coming. He sensed Joe was, too. “What the hell, Joe?”

  “Lube. I didn’t pack any. It’s probably buried in a box out there. Fuck!” Joe pushed off and rolled onto his back.

  No way was Ed willing to get fucked without some kind of lube. He was glad Joe didn’t push the issue and try anyway, but still, there had to be something they could use. “You said you were going to clean out the bathroom stuff. Was there anything? Petroleum jelly?”

  “No. Fuck.” Joe grabbed his own cock and pumped.

  A better idea flashed through Ed’s mind. In all their time together, Joe had never made any moves to give him a blowjob. He hadn’t known what was behind Joe’s avoidance of intimacy in general, and blowjobs in particular, so he’d never initiated one either. He hadn’t cared much for the blowjobs he’d given his previous lovers, but had felt it only fair to return the favor when a hookup had sucked him off first. It seemed like that had been the go-to method of getting off for many of his past hookups, but a blowjob was way more personal than fucking—at least to Ed—and that was probably at the root of his past aversion. He’d never developed an actual relationship with anyone before Joe had come into his life.

  Looking at Joe lying prone with his eyes closed as he jacked himself, Ed wanted to taste him. The scent of their mutual need filled the room, tantalizing him. He’d wanted to do this with Joe for some time, but had held back, waiting for Joe to take the step first.

  He moved before he could talk himself out of the plan. He fell into place between Joe’s legs, spread them farther, and pulled away Joe’s hand. He took Joe’s hard length in his own fist and dragged his tongue across the head of the cock.

  Joe reacted instantly, shouting. Unyi
elding hands grabbed Ed’s hair, pressing down his head. It was destined to be the shortest blowjob on record.

  Joe bucked once, then seemed to try to restrain himself. The death grip in Ed’s hair didn’t let up, though. Ed swirled his tongue around the head of Joe’s cock, then he fully engulfed Joe’s length.

  Joe bucked again, groaning, sounding panicky as he pulled Ed’s hair. “I’m going to come. Jesus, fuck, I can’t stop it.”

  In Ed’s limited experience, he had always popped off before ejaculation, but with Joe, he didn’t want to take that option. Joe’s smell, his taste, and—oh, God—his strong reaction to Ed’s touch were heady. He wanted to give Joe everything. He held Joe’s hips with a firm grip.

  Joe’s sigh was sheer bliss come to life. His fingers, tangled in Ed’s hair, pulled him in. When the cock began to pulse, Ed came up slightly and sucked hard. Joe’s moans turned to gasping groans as thick, hot spunk shot to the back of Ed’s mouth.

  He swallowed, sucking hard one last time before licking Joe clean. Joe panted, his hands still kneading Ed’s scalp. As Joe’s breathing slowed, Ed’s quickened, and his focus turned back to himself. He popped off Joe before rolling onto his back to grab his own cock.

  Already on the edge of orgasm, Ed lifted his hips off the bed. Electric sensations coursed through him, and his dick throbbed. He bit back a shout as he came, shooting sticky fluid onto his abs. The mattress dipped as Joe came back to life. Joe’s hand covered Ed’s, then his body hovered over him.

  He opened his eyes in time to see Joe’s face before their mouths met. Ed leaned into the kiss, desperate for the touch. Joe met him with equal force, their tongues clashing as Ed’s cock twitched and spat out the last of his cum.

  Their wild and uncontrolled kiss had energy far beyond anything Ed had experienced in their previous encounters. Sex with Joe had always been smokin’. Certainly better than his prior involvements. Their feelings for each other had always heightened the physical sensations, but Ed could now see the effect that holding themselves back emotionally had had on them.