Cultivating Love Read online

  The smile dropped off her face.

  “Maybe we can buy you a week or two vacation here, until Mom needs you for canning the garden harvest.” It’d be nice to get to know his sister again. Despite the age gap, they’d been pretty tight when he’d lived at home. Kind of an interesting blend of a brother-sister bond and a father-daughter relationship. Not that he was old enough to actually be her father, but when they were seven and sixteen, it had been a significant difference. Maybe it had been more of a hero-worship thing. She’d shadowed him whenever she’d had the chance, and he’d never discouraged her. He’d been kind of chuffed by the devotion.

  Her eyes lit. “You think he’ll go for that?” She stood and picked up her duffle bag.

  Joe took it from her. “Maybe. Worth a shot, anyway.” They walked to the ladder. “Anything breakable in this?”

  “No.”

  “Ed. Catch.”

  Ed looked up and stepped toward the ladder. Joe tossed the duffle to him and he caught it neatly.

  “He’s hot,” Jenny whispered.

  Joe’s eyes widened. Well, yeah, but did he want to hear his baby sister saying that? “Dare you to say that around Dad.”

  Jenny giggled and started down the ladder. “No way.”

  He followed her while Ed introduced himself. “You must be Joe’s sister.”

  “Yeah. Sorry about all this.”

  Ed laughed. “Nah, you’re just adding a little excitement to our routine. It’s not a problem at all.”

  It was good to know Ed didn’t mind a little break in their regularly scheduled programming. “I was just telling Jenny I’d see if we could get Dad to let her stay for a week or two. She needs a little time away to regroup.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “That’s cool.” He smiled at Jenny. “Can you cook?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Of course I can cook. And yes, I’ll earn my keep.”

  Joe smiled. If she cooked like their mother, then he had a long list of requests and wouldn’t want to let her go. “Sweet. We wouldn’t want you to get bored or anything.”

  “On a farm? Not likely.”

  “On the plus side, the Mayfield town festival is this weekend.”

  “Awesome! I love festivals!”

  “Well, let’s talk this over with Dad before we get too excited.”

  They found him pacing in the kitchen. Joe let Jenny start the conversation while Ed got them all juice. “Dad? I’m sorry.”

  He sighed and gave her a hug. “There are better ways to handle things.”

  She managed to affect a contrite expression. “Sorry. But can I stay for a week or two? I’ll be back before Mom needs me for canning. Please? Joe says it’s okay. So does Ed.”

  His eyes narrowed at her. “I don’t know…”

  “Please, Dad. Pleeeeease?”

  Their father turned his eyes to Joe and raised his eyebrows. “You guys are okay with this scheme?”

  Joe almost smiled at the way she had the man wrapped around her little finger. He’d never have been able to get away with crap like this when he’d been living at home. The man had softened. “Sure.” Then he did grin. “She says she can cook.”

  Dad actually smiled back, the lines around his eyes crinkled to life on the hard, tanned face. “You should try her homemade chicken and noodles. It’s better than your mom’s.”

  Ed looked like he’d died and gone to heaven at those words. “Oh, my God. Sir, please let her stay.”

  Their father full-out chuckled at that. “Can’t either of you cook?”

  Ed replied. “We’ve been living on stuff we can throw on a grill or pour out of a jar for years, but we’ve recently learned how to throw stuff into a Crock-Pot. I’m not sure how much time we’d have for cooking full-out homemade meals anyway.”

  Their father turned back to Jenny. “I don’t know—this is a long way from home.”

  “No farther than when I visit Aunt Clara. Just a different direction.”

  He still seemed a little uneasy, his brows knit. His glance passed back and forth between Ed and Joe. “You’ve got a room available for her?”

  “We have four spare bedrooms upstairs,” Ed replied. “She can have her pick.”

  “Jenny, you’ve got enough packed in that bag to last a week?” their father asked.

  “Yes.” She threw her arms around him. “Thank you, Dad.”

  He turned to Joe. “One week.”

  Joe nodded. “You don’t need to worry. It’s a pretty safe little town.”

  “I’ve got her cell number, but I’ll need to know how to get in touch with you, too.”

  Joe found some paper and wrote down his and Ed’s cell numbers. “We can make the road trip to return her, if you want.”

  “That would make your mother happy.”

  Really? He’d never even said good-bye to her. He regretted that. She wasn’t the one who’d called him names. He hadn’t told his father he was leaving either, but at least he would have known why he’d disappeared. What an awkward, miserable situation. He would like to see his mom, but didn’t know what to expect. But he had no respect for and no desire to see his brother. He chewed his lip and nodded.

  Jenny bounced. “Dad, there’s a festival this weekend.” She turned to Joe. “What’ll there be at the Mayfield festival?”

  “What did Ruby say would be there, Ed?”

  “A flea market, crafts, carnival games and rides, food vendors, and a barbeque tent courtesy of Sawyer’s Restaurant. Oh, and that hoedown. Plus, Ben Ingalls at the hardware store mentioned yesterday that there’ll be pickup softball games at the field, so we should bring our gear.”

  “Softball? Outstanding.”

  “A hoedown! Are we going?” She bounced again.

  Their father’s eyes widened. “You’ll keep a watch on her?”

  “Yeah. I get the impression she’s pretty trustworthy, though.”

  He sighed. “I know. She’s a lot like you.”

  Wow. A compliment? Were they just going to ignore the elephant in the room? Dance around the awkwardness? Ignore the fact that their last words to each other had been utterly hateful? He had eighteen years’ worth of happy, loving memories and only an hour’s worth of regrettable ones. He didn’t exactly relish the idea of an emotional rehashing, anyway.

  So, he smiled and took a careful look into his dad’s eyes, plainly seeing the regret Jenny had mentioned. “Thanks.”

  His dad cleared his throat and turned to Jenny. “I need to get back to the farm.” He ruffled her hair. “Take care of yourself, and call if you need anything.”

  “I’ll be fine, Dad. Don’t worry. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, sweetie.”

  “Dad, you want a sandwich before you go?”

  “No, thanks, I’m good. Jenny’ll need something, though.”

  Joe walked his father toward the door. Ed said something to Jenny about showing her the rooms upstairs, and Joe found himself alone with his dad as they headed out to his truck.

  They stopped at the driver’s door. Neither seemed to know what to say.

  Fuck it, Joe thought. His dad sure as hell wasn’t going to make a move. It should be him, but it wasn’t in his makeup. The smile and compliment in the kitchen were already more of an olive branch than Joe had ever expected.

  He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s shoulders. Jesus, when had he gotten bigger than his dad? The man’s sigh shuddered through him as he hugged Joe’s waist.

  “I’m sorry,” was barely a whisper and completely unexpected, but Joe heard it.

  He tightened his embrace and gave his father a pat on the back. “Love you, Dad. I missed you.” His eyes misted. He blinked a few times, determined not to cry.

  “Missed you, too, son. Always loved you.”

  “Never appreciated your, Great job, son, knew I could count on yous ’til they were gone.” He choked on the last word. Damn. He needed to shut the hell up or he would end up crying. What had possessed
him to say that anyway?

  “Always could count on you.” He pulled back and looked at Joe. “Countin’ on you now to take good care of Jenny and stay in touch, here on out.”

  Joe nodded, not trusting himself with words.

  His father looked toward the house. “Ed seems like a good man.”

  That was completely unexpected. Joe held his father’s gaze and squared his shoulders. “The best.”

  “How long?”

  “Two and a half years. Will be forever.”

  His dad nodded. Curiosity filled his eyes. “Love him?”

  With all his heart. Never said it to Ed, but somehow he didn’t mind confessing it to his dad. He nodded. “Always will.”

  His father cocked his head toward the house. “He looks the same way at you.”

  What way? They didn’t appear like they were panting after each other, did they? Or worse, mooning over each other? He must’ve been making a funny face, because his father grinned that little half smile Joe remembered.

  “Well, I’d best be going. Got a farm to run.”

  Joe smiled. “See you in a week.”

  He nodded and climbed into the truck.

  Joe watched until he was out of sight before walking back into the house.

  He met up with Ed. “She’s upstairs unpacking. How’re you doing?” Ed looked at him like he expected Joe to fall apart any second. Shit, he wasn’t going to break down over what was essentially good news. He certainly didn’t think any less of Ed for letting his emotions get the better of him the other day ’cause that was different. Hell, Ed’s dad had died, and a shitload of unfairness had kept them from getting to know each other. That was sad. This was good. Right?

  “Fine.” He turned toward the kitchen, intending to prepare lunch.

  “Good.” Ed followed him. “Well, if you want to talk about it or anything…”

  He hated talking about stuff like that. “I should tell you about my family.”

  “I realize I don’t know anything about what happened, but your dad made some nice gestures today.”

  “That surprised me, ’cause he’s not one for admitting his mistakes, you know?”

  Ed grinned. “Well, that weighs a little extra then, his making that effort to mend things with you.”

  “I guess.” Joe shook his head. “I couldn’t have been more surprised to see him standing there outside the barn. I thought Mom might’ve died or something.”

  “Oh, man.”

  “I was actually relieved that it was just Jenny running away to us.”

  “She seems like a good kid. Didn’t seem upset with your dad, though.”

  “It’s not that. Things are tense at home because of some shit with my brother.”

  “Oh.”

  “Apparently he’s lazier than ever and a bit of a drunk, too. Sounds like Dad was ready to kick his ass off the farm when he got some girl pregnant and married her. Jenny says she’s as worthless as he is and now they’re both living there, sponging off the folks.”

  “Damn. Guess that’d be hard to take. Tense plus extra work.”

  “And she says the leash on her got shortened, even though she’s not the irresponsible one.”

  “At least she was responsible enough to track you down, where she knew she’d be safe. Just running away to nowhere isn’t good. Not for a seventeen-year-old girl.”

  “It’s not that easy on an eighteen-year-old boy, either. At least I had marketable skills.”

  “Must’ve been hard anyway.”

  “Worked my ass off.”

  “You still do. You’re one of the hardest-working guys I’ve ever met.”

  Joe grinned. “Ditto. Probably one of the things that drew us to each other. I never felt the same respect for anyone I went out with before you.”

  Ed smiled crookedly. “Thanks.”

  Footsteps sounded on the staircase. Joe swallowed and rubbed his neck, surprised to feel disappointed at the abrupt end to their conversation. He hated talking about feelings and shit, didn’t he?

  “Oh, sandwiches.” He opened a loaf of bread, while Ed pulled some deli meat and condiments from the fridge.

  Jenny’s mood appeared sunny. “I’m all settled. And starved. What’s for lunch? Sandwiches? What’s that in the Crock-Pot for dinner? Smells like chicken.”

  Joe smiled at the happy chatter. “Good, since it is chicken.”

  “Enough to have leftovers to make chicken and noodles tomorrow?”

  Ed’s head snapped up. “We’ll make sure there is.”

  * * * *

  Ed sat on the edge of the bed as Joe stepped into his pajama pants. Joe’s shoulders slumped as if he was worn out, but Ed doubted it had anything to do with the work they’d done that morning. It was an emotional thing. Joe had started to open up earlier, but he’d put on a carefree front when Jenny’d rejoined them and had kept it up ever since.

  It was habit, keeping stuff like that—feelings—to themselves, but Ed really liked the trend toward openness they’d taken lately and didn’t want to see it shut down. Of course, he didn’t want to push Joe, either.

  Joe flipped off the light and joined him on the bed, pulling him down onto the pillows. Ed kissed him goodnight, but Joe didn’t stop there. His lips were warm and soft, unhurried and undemanding. It was different, and nice.

  Joe’s arms tightened around him briefly, then let him go. “’Night, Ed.”

  “G’night.”

  “Quite a day, wasn’t it?”

  Ed’s eyes widened. Joe was opening up unprompted? “Yeah. Damn, it’s been quite a couple of weeks.”

  Joe’s smile flashed in the dim light of the moon. “No shit. Just think, a few short weeks ago, how oblivious we were as to where we’d be today.”

  “Crazy, isn’t it?” He waited for Joe to say something else, but he didn’t. “How’re you feeling about all this with your dad?”

  The question hung in the air for a few moments. “Good, I guess. Trying not to think too much about it all.”

  He gave Joe’s hand a squeeze. “Did you get along before you came out to him?”

  Joe snorted a soft laugh. “I worshiped him and the ground he walked on. And I could do no wrong in his eyes.” He stared at the ceiling before heaving a sigh. “Growing up, I was motivated by my dad’s approval. It really hurt when he turned on me, but at the time, all I felt was anger. I think part of what’s driven me since then was some kind of desire to prove to him, and maybe myself, that I’m still a good person. Hardworking and responsible. That being gay doesn’t make me weak or lazy. Being a…a…‘goddamn cocksucker’—” Joe choked on the words—“didn’t make me less of a man.”

  Ed stilled, then hoisted up onto an elbow, turning toward Joe. “I’m so sorry you went through that. He did seem to notice that you’d turned out well and were hardworking. He looked at you like he had a mountain of regrets on his shoulders.”

  “You think so? He said…” Joe cut off, his words strangled in his throat.

  Ed laid a hand on the side of Joe’s face and kissed him lightly. Joe’s answering kiss was wild, desperate, a flood of heat and need. His hands bit into Ed’s sides as he pressed their bodies together. The kiss broke, and Ed rested a cheek against Joe’s, finding wetness there.

  When Joe pulled away, he rolled onto his back and stared again at the ceiling.

  Ed gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You okay?”

  In the moonlight, he could barely discern Joe’s slight nod. “He said he was sorry.”

  “I’m glad. I’m happy for you.”

  Joe smiled. “Goodnight.”

  “G’night.” He moved his hand to Joe’s chest, where Joe’s hand covered it. He closed his eyes, a gentle smile on his lips, as he fell asleep listening to Joe’s steady breathing.

  * * * *

  The clatter of banging pots woke Joe. He sat up in bed as Ed stirred beside him. He glanced at the clock. No, they hadn’t overslept; Jenny was an early rising farm girl.

  With
a spring in his step, he got up and pulled clothes out of the dresser. He put them on before heading to the bathroom. He washed quickly, and Ed stumbled into the bathroom as he left.

  “Good morning,” Joe said cheerfully.

  Ed grunted an unintelligible reply, and Joe smiled. Ed tried so hard to keep up with him. The man had an admirable sense of fair play and not a lazy bone in his body. He could trust Ed with his life—and his tears. That was why he felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders this morning. Sure, patching things up with his dad contributed to his cheery mood, but sharing his burden with Ed and knowing that anything he revealed would never be held against him made all the difference in the world.

  He took a deep breath and followed the aroma of frying bacon to the kitchen. They had bacon? She must’ve found some in the freezer. She was stirring something in a bowl as he stepped in behind her. “Pancakes?”

  “Yep.”

  “This is great. We usually just have cereal.”

  “I figured you guys could use a decent breakfast since you’re baling again today.”

  “Thanks. It’ll help. I’m gonna let out the horses and stuff. Shouldn’t take long.”

  “I already collected the eggs. You still need to feed the chickens, though.”

  “Great. Thanks.”

  He made quick work of the morning chores, whistling all the while. Ed joined him shortly, and they made it back to the kitchen as Jenny was setting the table.

  Ed squeezed soap onto his hands at the sink and turned to her. “Anything we can do to help?”

  “Eat a lot.”

  Joe laughed, joining Ed at the sink. “That won’t be a problem. This smells great. You don’t really have to spend all your time here working, you know.”

  “I like cooking, and I’d be bored just sitting around.”

  “Do you drive?” Ed asked.

  “I have a license; I just don’t have my own car.”

  “How ’bout I leave you the keys to mine so you can go into town and explore? I’ll leave you some money, too, in case there’s anything you want at the grocery store.”

  Her eyes lit up, and she turned to Joe for his okay. Hell, he had no objections. He sure didn’t want her just working or being bored the whole time she’d be there. “Have some fun, Jen. And you don’t necessarily need to be here for lunch. We’re fine making sandwiches as usual.”